last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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