Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
