im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
