Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
