you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
