There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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