if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
