I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
