I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
