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I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
