margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
