Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why do cheetos always look like penises
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
