Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
