Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
