When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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