so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
