you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
