May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
