i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
