After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
