Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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