I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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