dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
