She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
