I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
