Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
