Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
