I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
