Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
