have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
