I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
