he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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