After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
