I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
