Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
