Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
