Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
