I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
