yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
