my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
