I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
