I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
