Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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