so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
