you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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