i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
