THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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