i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
