So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Randomize
