Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
