she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
