woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He has the fingertips of a God
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