This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
