i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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