What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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