only if we run a train.
done.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
