he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
